Ketchup Time for Trunks!
by ClownUnit02
Summary: Trunks needs to open a bottle of ketchup! But can the might of a Saiyan warrior help him? Guest starring Weena Mercator as the Hopping Woman.
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Trunks. Trunks was a descendent of one of the most powerful races ever to… be powerful, I guess. They were the SAIYANS! No, not the Saiya-jin. Shut up, Japan. We can hack and mangle all the words we want from your language, because we have nukes. Anyway, Trunks's father had black, spiky hair, while his mother had blue, easy-to-manage hair. His hair was pink. How? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Back to the story! Trunks was just minding his business one day, eating Freedom Fries with extra freedom. He reached for a bottle of ketchup on the edge of the table upon which he was eating, since there wasn't enough freedom for him to satiate his terrorist lust for all things free. He noticed that this particular bottle of ketchup was unopened, which is completely out of the ordinary.

_This is completely out of the ordinary!_ Thought Trunks. _Father is supposed to open all of the bottles of ketchup in this house! I shall fight him later for the honor of our rules, because right now I need my sweetened tomato paste!_

Trunks gripped the cap of the bottle hard with his mighty fist and cranked it counter-clockwise, but it didn't budge. He tried again, this time furrowing his eyebrows more, since that means you're using more power. The bottle remained unopened. Trunks then decided to unleash the fury of the super-saiyan upon the fascist piece of glassware. An immense amount of energy began surging through every single one of his rippling, manly muscles as he began the transformation from super-human to super-DUPER-human. His hair turned blonde, drifted upwards, and solidified into the shape of an upside-down crab. His eyebrows did the same, though they looked less like crabs and more like eyebrows. The pupils of his eyes turned an inhuman green as well. And since all these changes took place, it was obvious that he could blow up a planet.

Now with such a great amount of power behind him, Trunks tried his luck with the bottle once more. He kept trying to turn it, but it didn't move. He even tried increasing his power from 24.8 to 73.452, but nothing seemed to work. Surely this would require the might of the rest of the Z-fighters!

Robin: Holy cliff-hangers, Batman!

Batman: That's not a cliff-hanger at all. You're stupid Robin. You're fired. Clean out your desk and get your ass out of her before five. I'm sick of you and your Speedos.

Robin: Aw, golly-gee!

END OF PART ONE


	2. Chapter 2

(Thanks to all the folks who enjoyed the first chapter so much! You guys are the reason why I'm carrying on with this literary tragedy. Enjoy.)

ON WITH THE TALE!

After a few more hours of powering up his power level to a more powerful power level and listening to a mix tape with Power Man 5000 as well as a sermon on the power level of God, Trunks decided to seek help amongst his fellow Z fighters. If he was to get anywhere, he knew he had to contact the most powerful person on the planet, the mightiest in the known universe, a truly manxome man with a reputation of epic proportions…

Yajirobe.

Using his ability of flight—which everyone has now—Trunks ascended to the high, high palace in the clouds that was home to Kami and Dende. Yajirobe was found within the inner parts of the palace jacking off to schoolgirl hentai. Trunks did not notice this, though, because of Yajirobe's excellent warrior skills. He knew someone was entering the area, so he quickly changed the TV station to the Sci-Fi channel, which was airing a marathon of Stargate SG-1. He also quickly hid his box of tissues by eating the box. Yum yum.

"YAJIROBE!" exclaimed Trunks needlessly. "I request a great favor of you. I need you to open a bottle of ketchup so that I may fully enjoy my plate of Freedom fries!"

Yajirobe then turned to Trunks and twisted his mouth in thought. After a few seconds, he replied with, "No."

Trunks was crushed. Without the help of Yajirobe, he may never taste his fries mixed with tomatoey goodness. _This is impossible,_ he thought. _Without the help of Yajirobe, I may never taste my fries mixed with tomatoey goodness! But… maybe this is a test. Yes, that's it! Master Yajirobe is testing my valor and tenacity. If I am not persistent in seeking his help, he may never assist me in any endeavor again! But how should I go about completing this task? Perhaps he wishes me to vanquish a great foe! _

"Master Yajirobe!" Trunks called out. "I understand the terms of your trials for me! I shall leave this most sacred place, but I shall return with the severed head of a mighty foe… Chaozu!"

Trunks blasted up and away in a magnificent display of pyrotechnics and CGI. Yajirobe looked back at where Trunks once was and stared at the empty space.

"What."

END OF PART TWO


	3. Chapter 3

Cue lights. Cue curtain. Cue show tunes.

ON WITH THE TALE!

When we last left our hero Trunks, he had accepted the (supposed) mission of endurance from the mighty Yajirobe. We now join him as he soars through the skies on this most deadly of missions.

_I will vanquish __Chaozu__ for the honor of both myself and Master __Yajirobe_ thought Trunks._ Then, once all is done, he will assist me in fully and utterly enjoying my Freedom fries by opening that cursed bottle of ketchup._

Hey, good job of wrapping that up. You saved me a lot of work, Trunks. Thumbs up. Trunks neared the palace that Chaozu had taken as his residence. Trunks viewed the expansive and tall structures of the Chinese architecture of the building. Great red and gold columns rose upwards dozens of feet, and the green roof's edges sloped and curved downwards, eventually coming to a point outwards. Trunks thought that it would be pretty cool to blow the place up later. He descended into the inner courtyard, where Chaozu was taking a walk with his three-eyed protector and friend, Tienshenhan (oftentimes referred to as Tien). Trunks approached the two, and as he neared, Chaozu turned and waved his small, pale hand to him with a smile on his equally-pale skin.

"Oh, hello Trunks!" he exclaimed. "What brings you to our neck of the woods?"

Tien also turned his overly muscular body to Trunks. "It's not trouble, is it?"

Trunks gave a smirk and looked out Chaozu. "Oh, there's trouble all right, but it's quite different from what you're probably expecting. I've been sent on a mission to kill someone. That someone is you, Chaozu!"

Trunks charged the small prince with lightning speed and with his hand outstretched before him. Tien reacted quickly by moving in front of Chaozu to protect him, but it was to no avail. Trunks' hand pierced straight through Tien's comparatively weak abdomen and went straight for Chaozu's head. Trunks grabbed onto his tiny skull and tore it from its place on his shoulders. Trunks then pulled that through the hole he had made in Tien. In the blink of an eye, both of the warriors were dead, and Trunks stood there victorious and blood-soaked. The two lifeless bodies of Chaozu and Tien collapsed on the ground and Trunks looked and his trophies still surprised and confused face.

_Yajirobe__ will certainly be pleased with me once he sees you!_

Trunks then took flight up into the air above the palace. He placed his foe's severed head into a pouch he had carried with him and hovered in mid-air. Trunks then spread the fingers of his hands apart into claw-like gestures. He stabbed them at eight invisible points in the air around his face with practiced precision, clung his arms close to himself, then flattened his palms and shoved out before himself, pointing directly at the palace. Bright yellowish energy began to coalesce around his outstretched hands, completely breaking the laws of matter and energy conservation. Once enough had gathered in his hands, Trunks launched the sphere of raw energy right for the luxurious domicile. The energy ball struck and created a massive explosion, destroying the entire building along with much of the surrounding greenery. Trunks smiled and flew off once more for Yajirobe's home.

_Those fries are mine!_

END OF PART THREE


	4. Chapter 4

(Sorry about missing the update, everyone! Please don't destroy me in the face!)

ON WITH THE TALE!

After killing Chaozu, Tien, and destroying all of their personal property, Trunks returned to Kami's palace in the sky to seek Yajirobe. Trunks caught the stout samurai sleeping on his bed with a La Blue Girl blanket wrapped around him. The Saiyan warrior stood at attention and called for Yajirobe.

"Master Yajirobe! I have returned with the head of the slain enemy!" shouted Trunks. The surprise of Trunks' call caused Yajirobe to jump out and off of the bed in a state of total shock.

Yajirobe looked quite frustrated with Trunks as he recovered from the surprise. "Are you crazy? Why the hell don't you ever knock, douche?" he inquired.

As if to make amends, Trunks humbled himself and dropped to his knees with his head bowed. "I apologize, master! I did not know that you were resting. But I have brought back the prize which you requested of me: the head of Chaozu!" Trunks opened the satchel and presented the severed head of the young prince before Yajirobe with the blank look of confusion still remaining on his face.

Yajirobe didn't respond well. His eyes went wide and he knocked the head out of Trunks' hands. "You really have gone crazy! You went and killed Chaozu, and now you're putting the blame on me! I didn't tell you to do this at all! You're absolutely bat shit crazy!" In his fit of rage, Yajirobe swung his balled fist at Trunks' chin. It connected, but the force of the blow against the Saiyan's rock-hard jaw caused the portly fellow's hand to break.

Yajirobe screamed wildly in pain at this, and Trunks observed his injuries. _This won't do at all,_ he thought. _If master __Yajirobe's__ hand is injured, he won't be able to open the bottle of ketchup! _ Trunks pondered his next course of action as Yajirobe continued to flail madly at his busted appendage. _I must seek the source of the problem. My father was supposed to open all the bottles of ketchup in our home before they are used. I must confront him and give him a proper scolding!_

Trunks flew up and away from Kami's home once more and headed home to secure the bottle of ketchup. Once he had it in his possession, Trunks made haste towards the Northern Wastes where his father Vegeta was training.

Batman: Wait, what about Yajirobe?

Spider-Man: Shut up! You're making the ending less dramatic and cool!

END OF PART FOUR


	5. Chapter 5

(This will be the final part of my epic story. I hope you all enjoy!)

ON WITH THE TALE!

Trunks found Vegeta atop a high plateau punching at the empty air in front of him, and everyone knows that makes you stronger. Vegeta saw Trunks approaching before he had arrived and ceased his training vigil. He had a rather annoyed look on his face.

"Want do you want, Trunks?" Vegeta asked, arms crossed.

Trunks pointed at his father accusingly. "You were tasked with opening all of the bottles of ketchup at home, yet I have found one that has remained unopened!" Trunks reached into his satchel and presented the evidence. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Vegeta shrugged. "I haven't been home for weeks. Your mother must have acquired it after I left."

"Don't place the blame on mother's shoulders!"

"But… it is her fault, Trunks."

"That may be, but… um…" Trunks tapped his index finger against his chin, thinking. "Well… can you just open the bottle?" He tossed the object to Vegeta.

"Fine," Vegeta replied. He grabbed the bottle in mid-air, grasped the cap, and pulled it off in one motion. He then screwed it back on so its contents wouldn't leak. "There. Now go away." He handed the bottle back to Trunks who accepted with an enormous grin on his face.

"Oh, thank you, father!" He flew high into the sky and headed straight home. Once there, he grabbed his plate of Freedom fries and poured a third of the bottle's ketchup onto the plate next to the fries. He grabbed a piece of the fried potatoes and dipped it into the tomato product. He brought it up to his mouth and took a bite of it, chomping off half of the fry. His face twisted in disgust once he realized the Freedom fries were cold. Trunks threw the fries away.

THE END!

Spider-Man: Wait… that's it?

Iron Man: That's it.

Spider-Man: Laaaaame.


End file.
